Tonight is Blogging night....I am getting somewhat caught up.... except for knitting content (but that is all on Ravelry....so just look me up: KnittingAunt). The following post has been marinating in my brain for months, I am not sure it's ready yet but it's time to get it at least started:
Many couples become parents overnight, either with joy, uncertainty, terror or a mixture of all of these and many more emotions. It's a completely different ball game when pregnancy doesn't surprise you but you have to work at it, or become a mother via foster or adoption.
I spent YEARS not wanting to become pregnant. It wasn't that I didn't WANT to become a Mother or have a family but it was the wrong time (too young, in school, family issues, moving, new job, etc etc etc.....LIFE). Then finally we wised up and realized there was NEVER going to be a "right time" and we were not getting any younger. So, we began to "try" to become pregnant. And after three years discovered that we were going to have to do MORE if we wanted to have a family....
Hubby and I have discussed, ad nauseam all of the options for becoming a family, how we feel about becoming parents, what skills are needed to be good parents, how badly we want children, how far are we willing to go emotionally, physically, financially to have them etc etc etc. There are days we want to throw in the towel and just stay a happy, healthy, adventurous, satisfied COUPLE...but of course there are far more days we dream of having a little one of our own. I feel a bit bi-polar because I wish every parent had to go thru the self evaluation that we have gone thru about our ability and desire to become parents BEFORE they became parents and yet I wish we had been able to become parents with surprise and ease.....SIGH
About 2 months ago we began our Subfertility Adventure. Our doctor doesn't call it infertility because strange things happen. Women with polyps, endometriosis, cysts, one ovary, tipped uterus etc all become pregnant without intervention and women with no biological or scientific reason for infertility are never able to conceive without intervention.
So we have had several rounds of testing....some simple and some PAINFUL! So the results are in and there is still HOPE for us to conceive on our own....YEAH! We don't feel we are candidates (emotionally and financially) for artificial implantation so we are really happy about the results so far.
The down side is that I will need surgery. So a few days after Christmas, I will go in for the first surgery of my life. It's a hysteroscopy and laproscopy, which are both short day surgeries. I am totally FREAKED OUT! But getting better day by day. I really do want to know what is not working right now and if there is more that can be done to help my body function at it's highest potential. It feels like an extreme step but as a lovely friend said (and I am paraphrasing) "thank your body for preventing pregnancy when the time was not appropriate, have the surgery so that you can start the next phase in your life and your body can work properly for this next phase". She is wise and it made me feel so much better to accept that there is not something "wrong", but that I am moving into a new phase.
Sure, we'll miss our "couple" days of freedom and fun but I know we are ready to share our lives with a child. It's an exciting and emotionally THRILLING time....