Thursday, January 08, 2009

If I had my old life back:

I would have gone knitting yesterday with my girlfriends....caught up on all the news and probably gone out to eat.  I would also have recently had my haircut and colored, legs waxed, eyebrows done, and maybe gone to look at new glasses frames (I am sick of the ones I have), gone out to eat again, shopped at Sephora for new eye shadow (cause I am sick of the same shades I have been using for nearly 10 years), shopped the after Christmas Sales, found a pair of shoes (I really need a plain pair of black shoes), went camping with hubby.....I could go on and on and on...

Since being home and becoming a mom, I am thrilled with some of the changes and not with others.  I would love to say that "it's totally worth it" like I hear so much from other mom's.  I am not there yet.  This experience is amazing and I don't want to trade it all back just yet....but I feel like the verdict is still out on if this is better than my "old life".  So far it's not better it's just radically different. 

I was too busy before to have noticed the whole eye shadow and glasses thing (not that I am wearing make up these days but I just noticed) and now that I have noticed....I can do nothing about it....DANG that is really annoying....I may not make it to Sephora and the eyeglass place but I can make it to target and grab a new eyeshadow when I pick up more formula/diapers/wipes   :-)  because it's all about realistic expectations and redefining "productive day".

In my previous life I was a MORNING person.  Up early, wide eyed and bushy tailed.  I would sleep 6-8 hours and then be ready for I am still a morning person, just not bushy tailed or bright eyed, and on a LOT less sleep.   I didn't think I could be this tired ever again....  In fact, I was so tired I fell down the last to stairs last night on my way to bed (while daddy had baby duty for three hours), I'm not hurt but it shook me up and made me cry.  I was this tired during graduate school.....but I have blocked most of that out of my memory.  I also did things I now regret to stay awake and reduce the pain of exhaustion (mass amounts of diet coke and a few cigarettes).

In my previous life I enjoyed babies and kids and thought they were kool....but now my kid is AMAZING!  He makes the weirdest noises in his sleep and is even teaching hubby and me his own version of baby sign language (he has a sign for daddy, mommy and food already).

In my previous life I ate healthy and stayed, I love a quick snack (anything I can eat one handed and prepare in less than I minute), OREOS (yes, I will keep mentioning them until I can break my habit), and sit on the couch most of the day...

In my previous life, very little made me cry and now I cry nearly every day....sad, happy, angry, frustrated and joyful tears.

I'll leave you with my latest tear inspiring moment:  
In my "Daily Hugs for Mom's " book on Plankton's birthday page:  

"It is pleasant to see dreams come true"  Proverbs 13:19


eduininck said...

I wish I lived closer to you! With 18 G-kids I know that when Mommy gets weepy she needs sleep. That is when I get baby and Mommy gets a long nap. Call one of your friends to come over for an afternoon and you sleep. Things will get easier. It just takes a little longer because he was so little.
Would love to rock the little guy.

Elisha said...

You will have good days and bad days. Hope you can rest more soon. Oh and Oreos are just yummy..we can just pretend they are healthy. : )

Qualen said...

Cigarettes? :-0 A lot of nervousness and trepidation is normal for kid #1. By the time #3 shows up you will be a pro! Those "Can you believe we created this" moments are truly special though.

Teresa said...

{{{ HUG!!! }}}

I love your honesty! All the mommies around here that i've been trying to connect with are the "everything is sunshine and puppy dogs" moms. You know, the ones who never are tired, overwhelmed, or frustrated with their kids. They've never looked at their kids and thought about all they've given up. They never sigh wistfully when they think of back-when-they-had-free-time,-sleep,-and-discrectional-income. You know . . . the plastic Moms!

as for me, I loved staying home with malcolm when he was little. but i would have traded a year of my life for a full night's sleep. now that he's two, i love that he goes to daycare. heck, there are some weekends that by friday night i'm wondering "how long till monday morning?"
he's amazing, and i love him like crazy. i miss my old life, too, when i could do what a want, when i want, and still had money to do it with. Strangely, I've found that missing the old-way and the new love-of-my-life can completely co-exist.

Missing the sleep and freedom doesn't mean you love your kiddo any less. and doesn't reflect poorly on your parenting. It means you're human. To admit it just makes you *honest*! :D